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A. My thesis is about feeling lost in NYC and feeling like the ‘other’ when actually the city can be everyone’s home. The change I talk about is learning to navigate my way around emotionally and physically. I’m searching for a home in NYC and talk about the vastness of the metropolis that lets everyone find that home. Because everyone is different, no one is different and therefore everyone fits in.
B. I draw upon Whitehead, using him to prove that disappearing and feeling lost in NYC is in the “city charter,” therefore it’s not an uncommon feeling. I also connect him to E.B. White saying this disappearing element is what enables everyone to fit in. Because there is this great diversity in the city, everyone feels like the other and therefore no one does. I use Judith’s preface to Crossing the BLVD to further strengthen that point saying that the stories and different cultures that define the people of NY also define NYC as a whole and therefore anyone (even a suburban girl like Judith and me) can find a place here. I think I do draw enough on my own experiences and those from the texts.
The points about feeling both emotionally and physically lost are well developed. Also my feelings of “me vs. them” I think are interesting and well-developed.
The passage that needs a little more elaboration is the one connecting E.B. White and Whitehead. I haven’t fully developed the idea of how disappearance allows for everyone’s acceptance.
C. The voice I’m presenting is basically my train of thought. It’s very conversational, very much trying to figure out where I am and where I belong which fits well with my thesis.
D. The structure consists of a suspenseful beginning and then becomes chronological. It flows well as I describe my journey that is actually still taking place.
E. The title was a little too generic and should be personalized a bit. The essay opened with a very relatable topic and closed with the journey which I continue to take. I think they worked well with the topic and added both relatable and universal aspects to my essay.
F. There were minor grammatical mistakes but none that were consistent or that can’t be corrected.
G. The in-text citations were done correctly and I have not yet done my works cited.