Dalya Arussy's Writing New York Blog

Journal Entry 24- Peer Review 3
November 15, 2010, 12:00 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

A. Thesis: As development in New York City affects the community at large along with the individuals that make up the community, in failing to listen to public interests, New York City is failing to better that community.

Argument: refutation of bypassing the democratic process of ULURP in approving certain developments such as Atlantic Yards.

B. Audience: Mayor Bloomberg

I think this critique of the actions taken by NY government is effective for addressing Mayor Bloomberg. Incorporating all the appeals also will affect the mayor as a politician and as a human being. I think the ethical and emotional appeals are good, but some work needs to be done with the logos as that could further strengthen the argument.

C. My main points are that this action was undemocratic, that it socially is affecting the project and the community, and that it ultimately didn’t pay off. They are not really clear in the structure of the essay so I will need to work on that.

I don’t think there were any ethical, emotional, or logical fallacies or any hint of bias (I tried not to at least…).

Well-developed points: it was undemocratic and that this has its effects on the community.

Confusing/weak points: the structure as a whole doesn’t strongly prove my points. It doesn’t flow in terms of the separation of the components of the evidence. There are also several confusing sentences whose first and second halves don’t seem to be related.

D. Structure: Rogerian. This style allows me to address my hostile audience as I start with common ground and  ease my way into my refutation of the counterargument, followed by my supporting evidence. I think as it stands, the structure does consist of a flow, but not one that strongly supports my ideas. I would like to rearrange the paragraphs in order to effectively argue my three main points.

E. I think my title is very fitting and the opening of the essay draws you straight in to my point. On the other hand, I think my conclusion effectively “shouts” my point although it can by strengthened a little bit.

F. I don’t think there are any consistent grammar mistakes.

G. In-text citations and Works Cited done correctly.

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